


Sparks

by immawriteyouthings



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Battle of Five Armies, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Original Character Death(s), Reader-Insert, Sibling!Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 01:49:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14274297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immawriteyouthings/pseuds/immawriteyouthings
Summary: Fili had always been like this. Always. Regardless of how much time passed or how strong you grew, it was always endless lectures, panic and absolutely needless babying. A courtesy, you noticed, he never extended to Kili. Even now, as you sat amongst the others in Erebor’s halls, bruised, scorched and battle worn, it seemed he would forevermore see you as simply his fragile little sister.





	Sparks

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an imagine request on [tumblr.](https://immawriteyouthings.tumblr.com/post/123259165336/sparks)
> 
> Written to this song for added drama: [KHalf Noise - Múm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7fUSJnaY87E)

“Y/N! No!” Your eldest brother grabbed your pudgy wrist and looked down at you, scolding, “Don’t touch!”

You’d been on tip-toe, reaching for a sword still brightly glowing against your uncle’s anvil. The sparks flew excitedly with each strike and you wondered what they felt like. You imagined them soft, tickling, warm. Like fireflies landing on your fingertips.

“He’s right, little one. Step back,” Thorin said sternly, pulling the blade out of your reach. He looked seriously to your brother who nodded and dragged you even further from the glowing steel. It wasn’t fair! You weren’t allowed near the smithy often and you were determined to take full advantage. Though you’d been here before, each visit felt precious, like it could disappear at any time. Anything you could reach  _would_  be touched. Everything you could see  _would_ be seen. Eyes set impossibly wide, you scanned the space as though to envelop the entire room, absorb it into your tiny body and keep it there forever.

Your mother, clever though she was, had left you with Dwalin. Oh, poor easily swayed Dwalin. You learned very quickly that if you stuck out your bottom lip and willed tears to your eyes he would cave, abandon all lessons and training, and take you and your brothers wherever you wanted. Which of course, was Thorin’s smithy. Thorin told Dwalin off every time he appeared with you and your brothers as his minuscule entourage –  _“This is no place for children!”_  – but he never told your mother, so he really didn’t dislike it  _that_  much.

“But I want to see!” You pulled against your brother and when he didn’t relent, opened your mouth wide to chomp down on his hand.

“Hey!” Fili released you and you shot from his side, eyes set on the anvil.

“No, you don’t.” You flew from the floor, lifted by impossibly strong hands.

“Put me down!” You twisted in Dwalin’s grasp, kicking and punching in every direction, hoping to make contact. You’d bite  _him_  too if necessary. You’d done it before.

“Hold still, would you? Ah, Fili, take ‘er!” Dwalin passed you off to your brother, laughing as you raged, “she’ll make a great warrior, that one.”

“Stop it, Y/N! Here.” Fili lifted you, grunting a little, onto his shoulders. Ah,  _now_  you could see everything. Stone walls covered in soot and weapons of every shape and size, blades sharp and glinting. The forge, burning steadily. Tools set carefully to the side, carefully organized and within reach, “See? Isn’t this better?  _Safer_? This is where you should be.”

“I don’t want to be  _safe_ , I want to  _see_!” You pressed your palms into his head and craned your neck upward, hoping to find a new angle on the action.

“Fee, why don’t you do that with me anymore?” Kili whined, tugging at Fili’s sleeve.

“You’re too big.”

“Aw, but you’re strong enough!”

“I can’t hold you both!”

“Shhh… Fee, I wanna watch.” You hit his forehead.

“AH! Do you  _want_  me to put you down?”

“No…”

“Then don’t  _hit_  me.”

You grasped at Fili’s hair as Thorin struck the blade once more, and oh, how the lights  _danced_.

“Uncle, will you let me try?”

“Not today, little one.”

“Tomorrow?”

The older dwarf took a deep breath and continued his work. Dwalin chuckled, leaning against the wall as he inspected a finished blade.

“Tomorrow, Uncle? I think it should be tomorrow. I want to make my own sword. Or an axe. Or both! Can I have both? Dwalin has both. I want my walls to look like this when I grow up. Can I start training? Mother says I’m not old enough but I think I’m old enough. Don’t you think I’m old enough, Kee? Kee started training when he was my age. I know I’d be good at it. I promise I’d practice all the time.”

“Dwalin?” Thorin paused in his work, sighing.

“Yes?”

“For the love of Durin, take the children somewhere else.”

All three dwarflings cried out in unison, begging to stay. You unleashed a madcap chorus of overlapping words –  _Please Uncle! We’ll be good, We’ll be quiet, It’s Y/N’s fault anyway, No it’s not! Yes it is!_   _Ah! She bit me again!_ – but Thorin didn’t budge.

“Come along, you three. Best be getting you home anyway.” Dwalin spread his arms to shepherd you from the room.

“Dwalin.” Thorin caught his friend before your small chaotic parade made its exit.

“Aye?”

“Give her a sword.”

 

* * *

 

“Y/N! Would you stop that?”

“Stop what?”

“Just… give me  _that._ ” Fili snatched the dagger from your hands.

“What? What was I doing?” You threw your hands up and looked exasperated to the rest of the company.

“Don’t think your brother likes to watch you pick your teeth with a blade,” Balin chuckled from across the fire.

“But it’s the best way!”

“Yes, the best way to slice your face open,” Fili grunted, taking his seat again.

“Fee, I’m not stupid.”

“ _I’m not so sure about that.”_

Fili had always been like this. Always. Regardless of how much time passed or how strong you grew, it was always endless lectures, panic and absolutely  _needless_  babying. A courtesy, you noticed, he never extended to Kili. Even now, as you sat amongst the others in Erebor’s halls, bruised, scorched and battle worn, it seemed he would forevermore see you as simply his fragile little sister. He had never been comfortable with you joining the quest, as had many of the others  _(given that you were both a dwarrowdam and royalty_ ), but you were stubborn. After literal  _months_  of convincing, you’d managed to talk your way into the company - with Dwalin’s help, of course. He really could not resist a good pout.

You’d thought by now Fili would have let up a little. And he had, for a time. After your confrontation with the goblins, he slowly started fighting alongside you rather than in front of you, shocked you by smiling and complimenting your skill rather than lecturing you on  _safety_  and  _technique_ , laughing with you after the danger had passed rather than coddling you… It was a welcome change. You’d thought you had made progress, that he finally saw you as the fellow warrior you wished him to, rather than as a child.

But now you seemed to be back where you started.

And it was because you had made a stupid, selfish, cruel choice. It was likely he would never forgive you for going along with the others when he chose to stay with Kili in Lake Town and you couldn’t blame him. You’d just…  _left them there_. You’d always been together, the three of you. Always. You felt immensely guilty but part of you was relieved to get away. To be apart from them for once. To face the dragon, to face  _danger_ without your Fili-shaped safety blanket. Kili was  _fine_ , you told yourself. He’d recovered well. And  _he_  seemed to have forgiven you, bombarding you with questions about Smaug the moment they’d rejoined the group. But Fili kept his distance and you, in turn, avoided his gaze. Perhaps if you let enough time pass all would be well. 

You just couldn’t forget the look in his eyes when you shook your head and stayed on the boat. Anger. Betrayal. A deep hurt that you couldn’t explain. It would be forever burned into your memory. You wanted things to be right again but you’d never been good at apologies. So it remained unsaid, along with a great many other things in the vast desolate halls. 

You’d all watched in agony as Uncle succumbed to the dragon sickness but you knew how much the change  _truly_  affected your brother – he was next in line for the throne, after all. He’d always resembled Thorin, but now he looked more like the king than ever before: quiet, withdrawn, eyebrows pulled down tight, quick to anger and even quicker to tormented silence. You didn’t know whether you should try to comfort him or not. Or if he’d even listen to you now. Kili seemed caught between, shooting you small smiles from where he sat with Fili. You silently prayed for the millionth time that Uncle would change his mind and let the lot of you join the battle. Armor discarded, the anxious energy flying about was  _stifling_. You wanted to  _fight_. Maybe then you could forget all of this, forget Fili, at least for a moment.

As though reading your thoughts, Thorin appeared, miraculously healthy and bright-eyed from the depths of the kingdom. And when he asked the company for their allegiance, to fight with him, you nearly wept with relief. He’d finally come to his senses! You jumped from your spot, more than ready to charge into the fray.

“You’re staying here.” Fili grabbed your arm roughly and pulled you from the group.

“You sound more like Uncle every day, Fee,” you didn’t mean to sound cruel, but the words came out raw and stinging.

“You shouldn’t even be here, much less on the battlefield.”

“I’m afraid It’s a  _bit_  late for me to go home.”

“Then do as I say and  _stay here_.”

“After everything we’ve been through? No. We finally get to fight for our home, Fee! This is what we wanted!”

“I should have known you wouldn’t listen to reason,” he spat and turned to join the others. Oh.

“…Fili, I had to go with them.“

He paused then whirled around to advance on you.

"No, you didn’t. You  _could_  have stayed with us. You  _could_  have stayed with Mother. But you didn’t. You should have–”

“We’ve already been through this a million times. I made my choice. As did you.”

“You don’t understand, you could be  _hurt_ –”

“I know that.”

“You could be  _killed_.”

“Fili, I am not a child. I know what could happen. You could be killed as well. So could Kili. So could Uncle. So could _every last one of us_. And I don’t want that to happen. It hasn’t happened yet, you may have noticed! But it could and I  _know that._  But I don’t want to be sitting here waiting and  _hear_  about–”

_“And you think watching you leave us to face a dragon didn’t torture me?”_

“I– I know.”

“It’s my job to protect you, Y/N.”

“It’s not, Fee. I can fight for myself. You need to stop acting like I’m not a part of this. Especially now.“

Fili looked to the others and his face softened. Kili was watching you both, his expression unreadable, refusing to take sides.

” _Please_. I need to know that you’re safe,“ Fili sighed, taking your hand.

"You know you can never know that for certain.”

He was silent for a moment, then dropped your hand. His face went blank, evoking your Uncle more than ever.

“Fine,” he handed you your dagger, which you’d all but forgotten about, “do as you wish. I will not stop you.”

 

* * *

 

Chaos.

Pure and absolute chaos.

Bodies and blood and the  _noise_. It just did not end. You fought alongside dwarf and elf alike, surrounded by seemingly endless droves of orcs. You’d lost track of everyone long ago, whether you wanted to or not. But Fili and Kili were surely somewhere nearby, watching over you. They must be. They had to be.  _Oh please, let them be alright._  You drove the image of your brothers, fallen and bloodied, from your mind and charged at the enemy before you.

One orc fell at your blade. Then another. Your confidence soared as you swung again, laughing with bloodlust. You pulled your dagger and flipped it in the air, letting it spin before launching it to strike with dead accuracy into a distant foe’s eye. This is what battle was truly meant to be. Driving your blade into the thigh of an oncoming orc, you sliced outward, tearing its leg asunder. The orc screamed and fell, writhing. You stepped over and placed a foot upon its chest, raising your blade to deal one final blow.

Cold steel ripped through the flesh of your back and you turned, abandoning the orc at your feet. Sword flailing wildly at your assailant, you struck him across the face. The beast cried out and dropped its weapon as blood poured from the wound. The other, still very much alive upon the ground, grabbed your leg and pulled you down to bite savagely into your calf. Screaming, you kicked it from you and hacked at its neck, severing the head gruesomely from its body.

Breath ragged, you braced yourself against your knees and glanced down at your leg, only to turn away in disgust and…  _fear_. No. No fear. You would keep fighting. You were more than this. You were more than–

White flashes.  _Pain_.

Another blade. This time to your side.

_Pain_.

Ignore it. Fight. Turn and step and swing and block and  _pain_. Sharp, searing -  _oh gods, like fire –_ through your gut. You crumpled, arm tight against your middle, frantic. You didn’t dare look down this time. Fighting against your injury, you swung again at the orc. The blade collided with its skull, a dull, violent sound emitting from the struck flesh. The orc fell and you followed, losing your balance, unable to pull the blade from the bone. You struggled, muscles weak and tired. Oh Mahal, you were so  _tired_. Your heart seemed to beat against your skull, your vision alternating between wildly vivid to blurred and one step behind. Dizzy, you wiped at the dark, rancid blood splattered across your face. A screech and you reacted, wrenching your blade from the first to clumsily block the blow coming from behind. This orc was uninjured. Stronger. Armed. Fire burning in your belly, you roared, mustering every ounce of power left in you to fight back. Muscles burning, you lunged at the enemy, thrusting your sword into its chest. You leaned into your foe, the cracking of splintering bone ringing in your ears as you drove the blade deeper, to the hilt. You twisted the blade sharply as though turning a troublesome key. The orc screeched, scratching and beating at your back before slowly falling limp to the ground. Losing your grip on your sword, you stumbled backward and fell hard to the ground.

You were unarmed.

You rolled to your side to rise from the ground, thinking only of your weapon, still lodged in the orc’s chest. You fell back to the earth heavily, muscles completely spent, blood gushing from your side. No. You had to get up.  _You had to get up._

You had to keep fighting.

You had to–

_Fili. Forgive me._

 

* * *

 

Staring up at the sky, searing bright white and grey, you watched as the Eagles began to descend. It had grown quiet. Time had passed, how much, you did not know. Distant voices, screaming, the clanging of metal on metal. All far away, muffled as though underwater. The wind, blowing gently across your face. It stung slightly, tinged with ice. You struggled for breath, your chest aching horribly under an unseen pressure. Perhaps an orc had fallen upon you. Perhaps your own ribcage had caved. The voices grew in volume, shouting something familiar. Your name. Your name carrying over the eerie silence.

“Oín, here! Now!”

Arms wrapped around you and lifted you slightly. You felt as though you were being ripped in two and cried out. Golden hair flooded your vision. Fili. He cradled you, hands rough and frantic, examining your injuries.

_“Fee?_ “ The effort to speak sent shocks of pain through you and you gasped. Your voice felt foreign in your mouth. It sounded distant. Distorted.

“Shh… It’s going to be okay. You’ll be fine. I’m here. Kili’s here. You’ll be fine,” his voice was shaking. He kept repeating, repeating, repeating. Or were you simply not hearing correctly? You were  _so tired_. Struggling for breath, you jolted, coughing violently as your lungs failed you. “No, no, no. You’re fine. You’ll be fine. It’s going to be fine. OÍN! Don’t just stand there, Kili,  _do something!”_

Darkness crept in at the corners of your vision. Fili looked so much  _older_. Drawn, tired, bruised and panicked. He brushed the hair from your face, gently, his hand shaking. Wheezing, you tried to move your arms but found them impossibly heavy. You wished to reach up and comfort him. To pull at his braids as you had as a child. To laugh. To see him smile. At least to have him scold you for your recklessness as he had so many times before. Anything but this look of  _terror_.

_I’m sorry, Fili._

“No, don’t try to move. Don't– don’t, oh Mahal. KILI! GET OÍN!”

_I’m sorry. For everything._

“No. This can’t be– No. No,  _please_.Stay with me.  _Please_.”

Warm, twinkling, lights floated across your vision. Oh, how they  _danced_. You wanted to reach out and touch them…

 

 

 

The prince howled, splintered voice echoing across the battlefield. Face buried in his sister’s now still chest, he sobbed, shaking violently. Kili, suddenly the youngest, collapsed to his knees and stared, broken, emotionless. The others gathered slowly, quietly, as though afraid to disrupt. 

The last of the eagles flew from the battlefield, raising a cloud of dust and dirt that whirled, dancing across the darkening sky. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr!](https://immawriteyouthings.tumblr.com) Come say hi!


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